The Most Uncomfortable Time Of My Life

January, 2004. I am sitting in coach by the aisle. Some girl took my preferred window seat.

Call of nature.

I get up from my cramped space on the plane and make my way to an even more cramped bathroom. Upon exiting the bathroom I am greeted by a flight attendant.

This employee of the sky seems nice. I am asked about my trip to L.A. As I am about to walk back to my seat however, I realize that this conversation has not ended as I continue to receive a plethora of questions and comments.

The way the flight attendant was looking at me and talking to me seemed to be in a way that went beyond the typical airline duties.

Did I mention that this flight attendant was a man?

As the conversation continues it becomes more and more clear this dude does not play for my team. Not that there's anything wrong with that. There are some fine people playing for the other team, however they know to stay in their dugout.

He continues to ask about my trip and talk about various things that I have for the most part forgotten and much I never really heard to begin with. It was not that I was ignoring him, rather I was preoccupied attempting to mentally communicate with anyone and everyone on the plane even remotely looking in my direction to come save me from this awkwardness.

"Jon, come here, I need to show you this!"
"Well, looks like I need to go. See ya."

Much to my chagrin, no one seemed to have ESP. There was no saving Jon.

As the conversation continues the flight attendant talks to me about his home town in Miami, Florida. He tells me I should go for a visit and even offers to "show me around" the city.

What a nice guy!

The steward decides that he wants to exchange contact info and hands me his card, which I quickly slip into my pocket without even taking a glance at it.

He asked me for my contact information, but I was not about to offer that up. Then I would never be rid of him!

"Oh don't worry, I'll contact YOU", I told him. Thankfully he accepted this although I could see the disappointment in his face.

After several attempts to find an exit, I finally made my move away from this strange conversation and went back to my seat.

After several minutes of explaining my uncomfortable bathroom break to the girl sitting in my window seat, I remembered the card he gave me. I removed it from my pocket, and as I read it to myself.

The front of the card said the steward's name (which I no longer remember) as well as a little picture of a person rubbing down another person in the upper corner. Below it indicated that he was in fact some sort of masseuse.

When I turned the card over my eyes grew when I saw "FIRST MASSAGE FREE" written on the back.

Woah. Is this how he picks up guys?

The rest of the plane ride I avoided eye contact with my admirer and he did not bother me again.

Although awkward as hell at the time, it was pretty funny to think back on, especially since he did not kidnap me or anything.

Nice to know I am loved by both sexes.

Life is one strange, dubious trip.

Do you ever sit back and reflect on the past...however many years, and just stare blankly at this memory of your life. I feel like I just got started, but at the same time...where did the years go? Life is a series of changing friends and relationships. In the past 28 years, I have had 16 BEST friends....at least. Growing up I always thought you had one best friend your whole life and that was it, they were married to you in a platonic best friend kinda way forever. No matter what happened or where the two of you ever went, best buds for life. Wow....could it be any further from the truth?

Life is one strange trip. At times it is frustrating, exhausting, and never certain, while at other times has this exciting, copacetic existance that exudes a sublime ambience.

Either way, people will always disagree on which world we live on at any given moment.

No matter how good or bad things are today, do you ever find yourself reflecting on the "good ole days", which of course always look so much better in hindsight?

I sometimes find myself overcome with acute nostalgia for my days on the Shore. Which is part of the reason I do not want to go back [to live]. I have such great memories growing up there, I feel like if I went back now, everything now would feel shitty in comparision.

No matter how planned you think you have things, no matter how certain you believe you are of what is going to happen next, life is unscripted and bewildering. That is certain.

Credit Card Phone Flirting?

Per request, here is a blog I wrote in January of '07 after a very odd experience.
Please to enjoy...

So maybe I should just chalk this up to cultural differences or something, but I wonder if perhaps my sexual aura is just so strong it captures everyone in its path like a tractor beam. Tell me what YOU think.

The other day I got a message on my answering machine from Capital One saying that I should call them to get my interest rate lowered. Well, my interest rate is pretty damn high, so this sounded like a good idea. And they called me, right? I am sure they will lower it at least a percent or two. Today during my trip home from 'the office' aka my dark room with lots of tv's & buttons, I decided to make that call to the credit card company. On the other line was a fairly well spoken Middle Eastern male, who sounded more robotic than human at times.

The conversation went down something like this.....

Me: I got this call from you, yada yada yada, I would like to see if my interest rate could be lowered.
Credit Man: Yes sir, let me pull up your information in the computer.
Me: Okay(While we wait for it to come up on his screen)
Credit Man: How has your morning been today?
Me: Fine, thanks.
Credit Man: Good....Did you have a good New Year holiday?
Me: Ummm......yeah, it was good.......uhh, how was your holiday?(I'm thinking, he is a nice guy, trying to make conversation while we wait)
Credit Man: Yes, I have holiday.
Me: ??? Okay.
Credit Man: Sorry, we cannot lower your interest rate at this time, yada yada yada.

Let's pause the conversation for a moment.

Why the hell did these people leave a message on my phone to call and lower this if they were not going to do it in the first place?

I have a theory......lets continue.

Me: Okay, well thanks.
Credit Man: Anything else I can help you with?
Me: No, that is it today Thanks for your help.
Credit Man: May I say something else to you?
Me: Alright
Credit Man: You sound very wonderful on the phone
Me: ??????????
Credit Man: ......................
Me: Alright, thanks. Bye

I cannot be 100 percent sure, but I think he was still talking when I hung up.

Now, am I imagining things, or was this guy hitting on me? It could definitely just be a lack in communication and the differences in the cultures, but it was pretty awkward at the time. So, my theory....they never wanted to lower my interest rate. This was a plan by credit man to get me to call him so he could talk to me and work on his game. Too bad for him I am taken.....and heterosexual.

Weird.

I just must be so damn sexy, I attract both women & men across the globe!

DAMN MY RUGGED GOOD LOOKS!!!!

Any opinions?